Waldo a Sore Thumb Compared to John

The John Edwards Campaign thinks they are being clever by creating the "Where's John?" advertisement, a fairly large collage of news clips and newspaper headlines (set to that workin' class favourite "Dueling Banjos!") that show the media's focus on Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, and complete denial of John Edwards's exististence. The Edwards Campaign think that this will make the masses realise how silly the other campaigners and the media are, and succumb to the sheen of John Edwards's hundred dollar haircut. However, the phrase "Where's John?" describes the current campaign for President so accurately, that instead of making me chuckle and purchase a John Edwards bumper sticker, when watching this commercial I found myself shifting around uncomfortably in my computer chair, wondering when the God forsaken banjos would stop dueling.
Currently, John Edwards has not won a single Primary. He came second in Iowa, to Barack Obama, but since then he has come in third, by staggering landslides, in the other three (not counting Michigan, because really, who does?) primaries held. Last night in South Carolina, he was hoping to win, being a former senator from their upper counterpart, North Carolina. Upper Counterpart? Is that an actual term for North Carolina in relation to South Carolina? I don't think so. It feels like something an ignorant North-Easterner like myself would call them. Ah well. Anyway, Mr. Edwards thought wrong. He came in third, again, racking up 18% compared to Barack Obama's 55%, and Hillary Clinton's 27%.
Come on John, really? Is it really the media's fault if you can't sway even a small majority of voters who are but a skip, hop, and a jump away from your own backyard? Do you really need 50 bronze trophies before you call it quits? What are you going to do with all the bronze, John? What are you building? Besides a portfolio of failures, I mean.

Where's The Yellow?

As most fine Americans like yourself have probably noticed, the current campaign for President has been going on since 1492. The Presidential candidates from both Democratic and Republican sides were on the beaches of the Bahamas welcoming the Nina, Pinta, and yes, even the Santa Maria, as Columbus and his crew patted each other on the back for finally arriving in India. Oh how beautiful Hillary Clinton's banners, Rudi Guliani's bumper stickers, and Mitt Romney's promotional baseball hats looked, when paired with the white sands of the Caribbean.
Okay. Maybe not. Maybe that was all a lie. Beautiful imagery, but a lie all the same. What I'm trying to say, is that the current race for President has been a long and tedious one. A race that is probably on par with the Boston marathon, if Boston were in fact the size of Eurasia. But alas, as we come into the actual election year, these runners, not to mention American voters, can see some sort of end in sight. For most, the finish line is not a line at all, but rather a pit of shame and resentment they will spend the rest of their lives trying to climb out of. But don't let that cool you off! For one man/woman/morman, that line is a glorious line, made of gold, ivory, puppies, saffron, love, fig leaves, and the finest cotton this side of Maine (which for all you cash-crop scholars out there, is no respectable place to buy cotton!).
But like I said before, with Iowa and New Hampshire Primaries out of the way we all can see that line/pit approaching! And boy, can that line/pit see us. It's glaring at us. It's staring into our souls, and making us feel uncomfortable. After these two Primaries, four Democratic candidates, Joe Biden, Christopher Dodd, Bill Richardson, and Tom Vilsack, have withdrawn from the race for the Puppy Line, after clearly tripping into said pit of despair and not liking what they saw/felt/heard/tasted. In the republican race for the Ivory line, Sam Brownback, Jim Gilmore, Tommy Thompson (definitely my favourite candidate when judging by name alone), and Tom Tancredo withdrew, after three primaries taking place in Iowa, Wyoming, and New Hampshire. As far as the candidates still in the race are concerned, Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton lead the Democrats, and John McCain, Mitt Romney, and Mike Huckabee are leading the way for the Republicans.
So, what's next? Well son, the next Primary is going to be held in Michigan, on January 15th. But who cares about Michigan? I certainly don't, but one can never tell the sorts of tricks that are up the sleeves of the Elephants and Donkeys. Why are these animals even wearing sleeves? What are they hiding?! These are all the questions you need to be asking yourself as the scent of Saffron becomes stronger, and the list of states that candidates advertise in becomes longer.